I was knee-deep and wading through the quicksand of motherhood when photography came into my life. "Something for me" were the words that ran through my mind. It was my life-raft to keep me afloat on the days when I thought I was drowning and could no longer tread water. I felt like I had little time for myself, and I was being lost in the growing of children. I didn't know where they ended and where I began as often we were entangled; a tangled mess. Somehow, taking photos elevated me from my ordinary and connected me to my creativity. It’s taught me to see, to observe, to find, to discover, to wait, and to hold my breath through the super slow shutter speed.

We all have that something for me, whether it's creativity or exercise, a business, or nights out with girlfriends. Sometimes it's as simple as sitting in the sun and drinking a full cup of coffee in the front yard. Uninterrupted! I've long admired those who naturally seemed like they knew how to put the oxygen mask on first; it's not my strength. I often felt guilt and insecurity about taking that time for myself. I had so many things to juggle, how could I add in another. I felt like I was failing and fumbling my way through all of it. I wasn’t good at one thing but scrambling through many. The noise of the should-dos, will-dos, and want-to-dos gets very loud. And when it all felt too much, I would come back to these words; “something for me. I’m not here for the likes, the loves, and the followers; I am here for me. Gradually as the years have passed, the guilt subsided. I’ve also learnt that I am a better person whenever I took care of myself, and found a balance between mothering and creating. The two exist side-by-side, both parts of my heart are equal and beating strong.

Now, as my role in my motherhood journey changes from teenagers to young adults, I feel like I am a stronger swimmer, and I'm no longer gasping for air, reaching for the oxygen mask. I am inhaling deeply and slowly. My creativity is a big part of who I am and allows me to find my calm quietly. It's become part of me, not just something for me. I know I am a lifelong student of photography and I feel less in a rush to make, do, and share. I am just content to be here and enjoy the space I have made for myself. This place that started as an escape, a refuge, is now a home.

And for those that are interested, all of these images were taken at the beautiful Logan Brae Orchard in Blackhealth. It’s a lovely place to visit in the Blue Mountains, near Sydney.